Commonly Asked Questions About Marriage 1

1. How were Adam and Eve "married" by God? What made them"married?"

After God made the woman and brought her to Adam in Genesis 2:22, Adam makes it clear of his union with Eve in verse 23 when he says, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh and in verse 24 it says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Verse 25 says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

2. If sexual intercourse bonds them together, does that mean every person you have had sex with you somehow married?

Yes! Even though you may not have gone through the traditional marriage ceremony or have married lawfully or legally, you must understand that sexual intercourse is more than just a mere act but it is the act of becoming one with the other person which creates a soul tie.

“Do you know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” (1 Corinthians 6:16)

Also when Jesus spoke with the woman at the well (John 4:15-17) he instructed her to go and get her husband and she responded that she did not have one. Jesus’ answer was that she answered correctly and he told her, “You have had five husbands” and the man that you are with now is not you husband, in a legal sense. And according to the customs of that day there is no way that a woman could have five husbands legally. This scripture shows that “marriage” comes through the act of intercourse.

3. Where did the "marriage" ceremony and ceremonial language come from?

While it is true that the Bible does not give any specific detail of a wedding ceremony nor ceremonial language it is clear that several weddings did take place in both the Old and New Testament. We must also understand that God has established laws and governmental authority within civil society:

“Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” (Romans 13:1-3)

4. If people get "married" in the traditional sense with all theBells and whistles, but yet are not committed to one another in their hearts, what makes them married? If you are not committed in your heart, how does the "marriage ceremony" make you committed?

True marriage is an act of will, commitment, and faithfulness from the heart and a marriage ceremony is a public testimony of a man and woman’s commitment to one another and if they have signed a marriage agreement/license (which is an outward, physical certificate confirming your vow) which is given by law then that makes them bound legally to each other. If one is not truly committed in his heart to the other person then why even get married in the first place? Unfortunately, people do get married for various reasons which are usually the wrong reasons but anyone who decides to get married must be 100% sure of their readiness to make such a commitment and they must have a pure motive for their reason of wanting to get married. What truly lies in a man’s heart will eventually show and we must not forget that when someone makes a vow to another they are also making a vow before God.

“When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to vow than to vow and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you to sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands.” (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6)

5. Since wives are to be submissive, does the wife have a right to reject her husband's sexual requests? (Not the act of sex itself, but the other things he may want to throw in -- like porn movies, acting out fantasies, incorporating a third person, gadgets and gizmos, etc.)? Does it work in reverse -- meaning the wife requesting these things of her husband?

Both husband and wife have a right to reject their spouse’s sexual requests if it is outside of the will of God and outside of the boundaries of marriage. Porn movies, third parties, gadgets (depending on what kind) and all of these things are unclean and perverted things that are not to be brought into the sacred marriage bed because they can bring spiritual damage to the marriage. These things give a distorted view of what sex is suppose to be. Instead of being fulfilled sexually it becomes a lust factor and lust is never satisfied. As a result, a selfless act has now become a selfish act. Intercourse is meant for intimacy, mutual pleasure and satisfaction, whenever it is approached from the perspective of how this is going to affect me without consideration of the other spouse it has been perverted! There’s nothing wrong with acting out fantasies as long as it’s within its boundaries. The Bible says, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4, KJV) I believe that the “nature” of the fantasy determines whether it’s right or wrong. For example, playing the roles of nurses and patients, cops and robbers, or wearing sexy lingerie can definitely help to keep the fire burning or put more spice into your marriage. Adding porn, third parties, and etc. to the equation can be very poisonous to your marriage as well as your spiritual condition.

6. You have been married for 30 years. The kids are grown adults. The marriage, in your opinion, is dead, you are genuinely unhappy and ready to move on. You have accepted and desire a separation (divorce). Does God require you to remain in the marriage just because the other party desires reconciliation? If your heart is not in it, are you required to remain?

This is a straight answer from the Word of God in 1 Corinthians chapter 7:

“To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.” (verses 10-11)
“Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.” ( verse 27)
“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (verse 39)

7. For women, it's understandable why they desire marriage. But why do men marry?

They are a variety of reasons why men marry, some good and some bad:

They feel it’s just the “right” thing to do.
To provide stability for the sake of a child that’s been born out of wedlock
Some men feel that maybe marriage will curve or reduce their lust problem(s).
Fear that somebody else may take the woman he’s with.
Security
Lack of self-control
Some men really desire to please and honor God in their relationship.
They feel that they’re getting old or have played the game long enough and it’s time to settle down.

This is just to name a few.

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